He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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