They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
