How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
