i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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