to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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