My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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