i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
