That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
