I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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