i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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