Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
