Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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