Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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