I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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