Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
