I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
