How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
