my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
