his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
