Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
