last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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