My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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