He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
