Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
