so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Also, beer. Big fan.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
