I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
