then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize