yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
