Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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