Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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