I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
