never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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