dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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