I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
