Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
