those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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