I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
