The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
