your thong is hanging out like whoa
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
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his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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