u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
