The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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