So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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