My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
