We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
