I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
