At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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