I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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