I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
