I want to walk on stilts...naked
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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