All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
