woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
