Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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