who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
