if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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