Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
