1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you still have your period?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
