so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
