Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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