I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
