never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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