She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
zippers are such a cool invention
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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