): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
