Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
