ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
