even my farts smell like vagina
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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