i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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