I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
