those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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