I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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