i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
