Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There r osticjed everywhere
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
