You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
