The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
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Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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