My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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