So drunk its hurt
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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