At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
