i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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