Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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