I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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