when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
