Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
