Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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