it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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