I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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